Are you a busy mom entangled in a hectic routine and beginning to realize the importance of self-care?
Then let me have the honor to greet you to my blog with a warm “Hello!” (My mom always taught me to greet people who came to visit our home warmly. Things have changed since then and now we have online homes (blogs) but I must stick to my mom’s teaching, mustn’t I?) 😁
First of all, let me tell you straight to your face that you are a hero, the Queen of your house – you look after your husband, you look after your kids, you look after your work, you look after your home…but..the problem is that you don’t look after yourself. That’s why you are here talking to me, and I shall not disappoint you.
I know why you don’t do that thing called ‘self-care’. Moms always tend to think that taking out time for themselves or doing something for themselves is a selfish thing to do but ironically, it is the most selfless thing that a mom can do.
How?
Because can you ever pour from an empty cup? No! you can’t. You owe yourself at least some of the love that you so freely give to your family. Don’t you consider your poor self as a member of that family?😣 Caring for others begins with caring for yourself. So, self-care is not selfish but necessary, loving and generous.
Definition Of Self-Care
Now my dear mommy-friend, we have been repeating the word ‘self-care’ over and over again. But what does it exactly mean? It is the practice of deliberately and intentionally taking steps to nurture and prioritize your own physical, mental, and emotional well-being. It’s about recognizing that you, as an individual, are deserving of care and attention, just as much as the myriad responsibilities and obligations that fill your daily life.
Importance of Self-Care
It’s true that in this rushing world where we have so much to do and so little time to do it, self-care falls at the last number in our priority list if at all it is included in the list. But then, you ought to be aware of the disastrous effects that this may lead to.
Neglecting and ignoring yourself, your desires, and your likes and dislikes continually, makes you stressed, drained, and exhausted. Over time, without even realizing it, you become naggy and irritable. You scold your husband, yell at your kids, and argue with your friends. As a result, they start distancing from you and you are left alone, moaning and miserable. So you see, neglect of self-care acts as a slow poison and rots your lovely home into a torturous hell.
Don’t worry if you have already reached this point in your life. You still have time and resources and by applying some of the tips that I’ll be discussing with you shortly, you can easily reverse your situation and witness marvelous improvements in your life!
Before beginning with the tips, I would like to share one more thing with you.
Do you know that self-care has three main angles or aspects to it? These are:-
- Physical self-care: It means to look after your physical health and well-being.
- Spiritual Self-Care: It means to nurture your spirit and soul and to build a deep connection with the Almighty.
- Social Self-Care: It means looking after your relationship with your neighbors, coworkers, and people around you
Since your existence consists of your physical body(flesh and bone), your spirit, and the environment around you, you must look after yourself in all these three aspects to bring a wholesome result into your own life and thereby, into your family’s life.
Tips to Follow:
Now that you are convinced about the cruciality of self-care in today’s fast-paced and often stressful world, let’s jump on to the various tips on how to do it.
(I’ll be sharing three tips each on all the three types of self-care. That would make a total of 9. The last tip would be an ‘all-round’ one!)
Deal.
Are you ready? Let’s Go!
Physical Self-Care:
1. Exercise
Oh, wait! Don’t start groaning already.
In your busy life, with you up at dawn, bustling about in the kitchen preparing breakfast, changing one kid’s diapers while getting the others ready for school, and then dropping them off at the bus stand only to rush back to a whole lot of cleaning and washing or to your work at the office, your entire day may seem like a non-stop exercise, but the exercise that I am referring to here is a break that whirlwind of yours.
Exercise gives you a boost of energy, releases stress from your mind, and prepares you for another series of accomplishments. It helps you stay fresh, calm, and collected.
One of the main complaints that moms often have is that they don’t get time for exercise.
But you don’t have to give much of your time. Just 10-15 minutes daily would suffice. Wake up early in the morning, stretch out your hands and legs, pull your fingers, crack your knuckles- all of this counts in the exercise, then jump off your bed, run out in the garden, and have a good jog.
I would recommend not to plug in your headphones or listen to music while jogging. Instead, listen to the birds chirping and leaves rustling in the cool, morning breeze. Sounds of nature have a very soothing effect and refresh you to your very soul.
Involving your kids in your exercise is also an excellent idea. Laugh and play with them and teach them a few little exercises such as jumping jacks and lunges. Not only would this help in your kids’ physical and mental growth but would also develop a deep bond between you and your kids which you would cherish your entire life.
So, exercising like this for just a few minutes daily can work wonders. Remember, consistency is the key. “Little drops of water, little grains of sand, make the mighty ocean and the pleasant land.” – Julia Carney
2. Eat Well
From wanting to lose that extra pregnancy weight or wanting to put on some weight after you’ve lost it owing to working tirelessly day in and day out, to attaining an overall healthy and fit body and staying energized, it is essential that we busy moms pay extra attention to our diet and nutrition.
Just like you are so conscious about the diet and nutrition of your kids, you have to be conscious about the diet and nutrition of your own self. Dine on ‘healthy and balanced’ meals.
Add plenty of fruits and vegetables to your diet. They are rich in fiber as well as vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, and plant compounds. They boost your health and metabolism and help you stay energized for a long time.
Different fruits and vegetables satisfy different cravings of yours and each has exceptional health benefits.
Sweet fruits like mangoes have vitamin A, which promotes healthy vision, skin, and immune function, and bananas have vitamin B6, which is essential for brain development, nerve function, and the metabolism of carbohydrates. On the other hand, sour fruits like oranges are rich in vitamin C, which is essential for your healthy gums and teeth.
The same goes for vegetables.
There are so many fruits and vegetables available that sometimes it becomes quite a puzzle as to which one to choose. Opt for fruits and vegetables that are in season. They are cheaper and have more nutritional content.
Protein and healthy carbs also form an important part of your diet. Eggs, chicken, and peanut butter are rich in proteins while oats and sweet potatoes are a few ‘healthy carb’ options. Healthy carb means one that has more fiber and is less processed.
Avoid refined and processed foods. They are mostly deprived of most of their healthy content. Limit unhealthy fats and fried foods, and choose healthy fats like nuts and seeds.
Also, drink lots of fresh water and stay hydrated.
Fast foods and junk foods are yummy when you are hungry but they are best avoided. You may go with them once in a while but not often. Remember, your kids are watching you. They are astonishing copycats!
3. Sleep Well
One of the biggest headaches that moms with little kids have is not getting the right amount of sleep. Babies are owls and they obligingly see to it that you cooperate with their owl-ish behaviour!
A healthy sleep routine is essential for your sanity. So you gotta figure out ways to deal with your owls.
What to do? You can’t possibly shoo them away or put them in a cage. Never mind, there are many other ways out:
Try to sync your sleep with that of your baby’s. Of course, you can’t sleep all day as your infant does but once your baby mistakenly falls asleep in the night, don’t see it as an opportunity to get along with more of your chores. Don’t. Your chores can wait during the night but not your sleep.
Oten we moms lull our babies into sleep in our laps or on our shoulders. Then, when they are asleep we try our best to put them in bed as gently as possible. But even the slightest jerk wakes them and there they are, almost glaring at us as if to say, “You thought you could fool me? You were highly mistaken.”
So, it is best to put our babies in bed, lie down beside them, and then lull them into sleep, gently patting their foreheads or fiddling their hair(if they have some!).
You can also take the help of your husband or your older kid. In fact, you can take turns on who would get the baby to sleep – for two days it would be you, the next 2 to 3 days would be your husband, and the remaining days of the week would be your older kid.
Learn to delegate tasks like a queen – politely but firmly. It doesn’t always have to be your duty.
The National Sleep Foundation recommends 7-9 hours of sleep for adults, and if you consider yourself an adult, please pay heed. Try to get at least 6-7 hours of sleep during the night and squeeze in one one-hour nap in the afternoon after lunch. These one-hour afternoon naps have proved to be marvelously refreshing.
Generally, moms think that they can get more work done by sleeping less and skipping out on naps. But, they are not right. Working continuously without rest makes you fatigued and decreases your efficiency significantly. So, the work that you get done on such a day is less than what you get done on a day you have had proper rest.
It may sound paradoxical but you can do more work if you take more time out for rest. Daniel W. Josselyn put it like this in his book, Why Be Tired:
“Rest is not a matter of doing absolutely nothing. Rest is repair.”
Spiritual Self-Care
4. Talk To God
As I mentioned earlier, your body is not just flesh and bone. It has a spiritual side as well, and that too needs nourishment.
How do you nourish your soul? It doesn’t need fruits and vegetables! Instead, it needs God. “It is in the remembrance of God that hearts find tranquility.” – The Quran
Talking to God gives you immense peace, because you know you are talking to someone you can fully trust, He will never let you down, will never gossip behind your back, and will never tell your secrets to others. He listens to you and answers you.
When someday, you are tired with a heavy heart and have had a bad day, try this out. Go to your room where nobody can see or hear you, drop down on the floor, and pour out your heart to Him. You’ll be surprised to feel your heart lightening as if soaring high up in the air. With God by your side, all your problems will start to seem like a bunch of trifles.
You’ll be rejuvenated and feel a boost of strength within yourself.
With your soul nourished and your heart rejoiced, you’re nothing less than a Wonder Woman! -Zainab Saba
5. Express Gratitude
One day, you wake up only to discover you’ve overslept and it’s very late! You jump off the bed and rush downstairs to the kitchen but trip and roll over to the bottom. Ouch! you’ve hurt yourself but you’ve no time to see the damage done. You get up and limp toward the kitchen. Quick! Make some sandwiches for breakfast. Oh no! You’ve run out of bread.
What to do now? It’s getting late. The school bus would soon be here. You hand an apple each to your kids and rush outside with them to see if the bus has arrived. You ask a neighbor and she tells you that the school bus has already waited and gone.
Your husband is away on a business trip, or else he would’ve dropped the kids at school in his car. But today, you’ve to do it. Quick! you’re getting late for your work. You rush back home, hunt desperately for your car keys, and find it after a full ten-minute search but discover a puncture in your car!
Oh God! Everything is going wrong! Your legs hurt, you couldn’t make breakfast, you couldn’t drop your kids to school (and it’s too late now), and now you’re getting late for your work.
On such days, when nothing seems to be going right and life begins to drive you crazy, it’s always best to take a break, just a little break – even as little as 2-3 minutes would be enough.
What to do in this break?
Again, go somewhere where nobody can see you, sit in a relaxed, comfortable position, and think of all the nice things you have, think of all the blessings you enjoy.
You’ve such a great home. Remember that homeless man sitting by the side of the road? You see him almost every day while driving to your work. Isn’t your day going much better than his?
Your legs hurt a little but they would soon be better. Remember that old friend of your neighbor who hurt his legs so badly in an accident that he had to get them amputated? Isn’t your day going much better than his?
There are so many miseries and pains around the world that when you compare your situation with them, you will feel embarrassed to have been complaining till now. You’ll not be able to resist feeling extremely grateful.
I once came across this beautiful piece of poetry in a book:
‘I had the blues because I had no shoes,
Until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet.’
The idea is whenever you feel lowly and depressed, compare your situation with those who are far less privileged than you.
So, instead of focusing on the problems you have, try to count your blessings and express gratitude- not only to God but to your fellow beings as well. No matter how trivial their help might seem, appreciate it with a warm “Thank You, dear!” from the bottom of your heart.
Believe me, you’d be astonished at how this helps in relieving the stress from your mind! Once you develop the habit of being grateful and appreciating and seeing the good in everything, your problems will cease to have tiring effects upon you.
“I am thankful for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home… I am thankful for the piles of laundry and ironing because it means my loved ones are nearby.” – Nancie J. Carmody
6. Make Positive Affirmations
Believe it or not, your mind and the thoughts going through it have a profound effect on your entire body and the way your day turns out to be. So, why not use it positively?
Think about it. It is almost as if you have a superpower in your hands. You can regulate and choose what type of day you wanna have just by regulating the thoughts you think all day.
The American philosopher, Ralph Waldo Emerson, said, “Man is what he thinks all day long”. I wanna present it this way, “Woman is what she thinks all day long” or this way, “A mom is what she thinks all day long”.
I know it may sound a bit weird at first. We are not always conscious about what we are thinking. Thoughts come unconsciously and we think them without even realizing what we are doing and the effects they are having upon us.
Reckless, hurrying, and worrying thoughts keep racing through moms’ minds. Moms keep thinking that they are missing things, lagging behind, they should be working faster, hurrying, piles of chores are there to be attended to, and so on.
These thoughts have the capacity to generate hormones in our body that produce straining effects on our muscles and render us tired and exhausted at the end of the day.
STOP THINKING NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND REPLACE THEM WITH POSITIVE ONES!
Of course, it sounds difficult to change a gush of negative thoughts into positive ones, and here is where ‘positive affirmations’ come to your rescue.
Whenever you start feeling low or distressed, first of all, relax yourself and take some deep breaths. Then, with a determined mind, go to your dressing table, stand before the mirror, stare into your eyes, and say these words aloud:
“I am relaxed and happy. All my chores are being attended to and finished on time and everything is going swiftly. My kids love me and call me ‘the best mom in the world’ and I call them ‘the best kids in the world’. My husband is proud of me and loves me and I love him back. My family deeply appreciates whatever I do for them and is always ready to help me and participate in the household work. When I go to bed at night today, I’ll be the happiest woman on earth.”
Make sure to wear a broad smile and keep nodding your head with firm belief that what you are saying is exactly true. I know it would seem ridiculous at first. You’d feel a clash between your feelings and actions!
But do you know that our actions and feelings go together? This is not my theory- this is an observation of William James, the Father of American Psychology!
He says that by regulating the action, which is under more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.
So, if you start acting cheerful, smiling, humming, and giving random hugs and kisses to your kids hopping about you, you can’t remain unhappy or stressed for long. You’ll soon start feeling the way you’re acting!
Social Self-Care
7. Spend Quality Time
Kids are the most curious beings on earth. Their minds are filled with dreamy, wild imaginations based on the little of the world they know, and they want to share those imaginations with you and get your opinions. These opinions are thought about hard by your kids, analyzed, and are finally rejected if not found ‘reasonable enough’, or accepted with an attitude of doing a favor!
It is best to allot some time for this and this is what you call ‘quality time’. Gather your entire family- your kids as well as your husband- in your living room and have some fun.
Let your kids decide what is to be done. Make them the ‘star of the show’! You’ll be surprised how creative their suggestions can be.
You can end up being served a plastic cake on a toy plate that your 5-yr girl and her doll baked “to surprise mommy”!…… or you may find yourself being attacked by a stuffed lion, with your 4-yr boy yelling at you to be quick and hide behind him and let him “deal with the beast”!
I know what you’re thinking. This 7th tip doesn’t seem that much of a self-care, does it? But trust me, it is one of the best tips. These moments spent with your family are going to be the most beautiful ones of your day. Don’t trade them for anything. Your kids are far more precious and deserve more time than any of your chores, right?
Let the conversation flow naturally. Narrate beautiful moral stories to your kids, ask them how their day was, give them a chance to speak, and listen to them with as much curiosity as they listen to you. Make them feel loved, cherished, and heard.
If you think your schedule is too jam-packed to fit in this quality time, remember it’s not about the quantity; it’s all about the quality of those moments. You don’t need to give too much of your time; only a few minutes but make them the most memorable. After all, in the beautiful diary of your motherhood, these are the pages you’ll want to read over and over again.😊
Caution!: Don’t you dare to switch on the television or get busy on your smartphones during this time. DON’T!
Talking about this reminds me of a video I watched on YouTube some years ago. It showed little kids marching down the road with big, colorful boards held high up in their hands. They were protesting against the excessive use of phones by their parents!
The protest was led by a 7-year-old boy. Imagine! Most of us were still dreaming of riding on Santa’s reindeer at that tender age! But these little kids were forced to take to the road and demand their rights.
All that they wanted was ‘Time’ and ‘Attention’ from their parents. “Play with us, not with your smartphones” – this is what the poor kids said.
So you see, your Time and Attention is the most valuable gift you can give to your kids, especially if they are teenagers. You have crossed that phase yourself and you know very well what roller coaster of a phase of life that is, don’t you? And if you didn’t get the right amount of love and attention at your time, make sure your kids don’t experience the same.
“Your children need your presence more than your presents.” – Jesse Jackson
8. Build Friendships
Going through hardships is unpleasant but the moment you meet someone who is in the same shoes as yours, an unusual sort of energy seems to crawl into you, doesn’t it? You exclaim, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one”, and that’s where friendship is born.
Your mommy friends not only understand but feel your struggles. Hence when they are around, you resonate with them and this resonance gives you a boost of energy.
When the stress of your chores breaks you down and you have tears in your eyes, these friends act like ‘laughing gas’. They can set you bursting into hysteric peals of laughter right when you are in the midst of your weeping and don’t at all feel like laughing!
Finding such friends is tough, but it’s certainly not impossible. So why not take some time out of your day to visit other moms in your neighborhood and talk and laugh with them about various odds and ends? Or get in touch with an old, forgotten friend, a high-school bestie may be, and find out in what corner of the world she is, how many kids she has, and what their names are.
Believe me, it would do you so much good to get in touch and build a deep connection with some of your old friends or some moms around you. Join local parent groups, mom meetups, or social clubs to connect with like-minded moms. Create a WhatsApp group for your mommy friends, where you can share the crests and troughs of your motherhood wave and get creative ideas, help, and suggestions from other moms who are sailing the same boat and cannot bear to see you sink!
Arrange occasional parties, face-times, and get-togethers to refresh your bonding and to maintain the friendship. “A friend is one of the nicest things you can have and one of the best things you can be.”
Caution!: Choose your friends wisely.
The world is full of different varieties of people and some of these varieties may prove harmful to your motherhood. There would be women out there who would make you feel insecure and less confident and thus undermine your self-esteem. They would stick around you as long as they can reap some benefits from you, but the moment they find you in need or it’s their turn to give, they would slink away.
Try to recognize such toxic people before it’s too late, and avoid them. Remember, friendship is always fueled by mutual cooperation; even if one side fails to cooperate, friendship is doomed. After all, “A friend in need is a friend indeed!”.
9. Pursue Your Hobbies
Ah! This one is gonna be your favorite. In short, this tip means: “Do whatever you want!”. Can anything be easier and more relaxing?
I know you are sneering at me right now-“Do whatever I want? …When my schedule is so stuffed it’s already bursting?”
Well, let me explain.
You don’t have time in your busy mom life today. But you did have it when you hadn’t had a baby. And you had devised plenty of fun ways to spend it, hadn’t you? What you have to do today is to just repeat this history.
Ask yourself this question, “What do I like to do in my spare time?” Haha! Sneering again? – “As if I have spare time🙄.”
Well, for God’s sake, spare yourself some time! Pursuing hobbies will help you do this. As I mentioned earlier, the more relaxed and happy you are, the faster you get your chores done and the more you save time for yourself. So you see, it’s a cycle:
Pursue your hobbies 👉 Refresh/relax yourself 👉 Get work done faster 👉 Save time to pursue your hobbies again!
Now that you’ve finally squeezed out some time to give to your hobbies, find out what you love to do the most. This time is completely yours, so “do whatever you want”, pursue your hobbies, your interests.
Maybe you love sketching or painting, or knitting may be, or…..there are dozens of options to choose from such as journaling, gardening, baking, playing tennis, pottery, crafting, calligraphy and God knows what, or maybe you love to do some from everything. C’mon girl! What are you waiting for? Go ahead and do it!
Eh..hm🤨! I know you love scrolling your phone but that doesn’t count as a hobby😑. Hobby is something constructive, nurturing, and refreshing.
Doing what you love enhances your creativity and helps you get connected with people who share the same interests as you. This fosters deep friendships, and you know now how important such friendships are in our lives.
Doing what you love unleashes the real women buried deep inside you under the piles of duties that come along with maternity. Those piles of duties are the palace of your motherhood but the real treasure lies under it. Go, dig it out, girl! You deserve some bricks of gold,…and perhaps some rubies and emeralds too!
“A hobby a day keeps the doldrums away.” – Phyllis McGinley
10. Apply the 9 tips
This is the final ‘all-round’ tip that I promised. Hahaha!
Well, I’m serious. Just giving a twenty-minute read to this blog would do you only as much good as reading a fairytale does. The real miracle will happen only when you start applying these tips.
Take out a piece of paper right now and reschedule your day. Plan carefully and see how you will fit all these nine tips into your daily routine.
Don’t feel hesitant or embarrassed. Be firm and confident enough. Girl! You’re just giving a little care to yourself. Is that a crime? Hell, NO!
conclusion:
Congratulations! If you read till here. Hope you enjoyed it and are eager to improve and change for the good. We’ve covered a spectrum of self-care tips, from savoring a moment of solitude to indulging in your favorite hobbies. The key is to find what resonates with you and make it a non-negotiable part of your daily routine.
So, are you excited for this?😀
Put on your seatbelt😎 and embark upon the journey of self-discovery and well-being. Let your creativity run wild and uncover the art of self-care with the help of these practical tips and actionable advice.
Can’t wait to see you reap the marvelous results! Do let me know how it turned out to be – your journey toward a happier, healthier, and more beautiful mom.
Believe me, your kids won’t notice it- you’re already “the most beautiful mommy” for them in the world!
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